A Coffee Lover's Woes

that nobody else seems to get

At the outset let’s get this straight - by no measure can I be called a coffee addict.

I am not into downing gallons of coffee through the day like millennials do.

I do not have symptoms of coffee addiction like insomnia, panic attacks, jitters, eye twitches or irritability.

 I am just a coffee lover who happens to have two – three small cups of coffee a day, which by any standards is quite moderate. And my coffee is nothing fancy. Just regular South Indian filter coffee that includes decoction made with coffee beans blended with chicory; whole milk and 1 tsp of sugar. No doublecream, no excess sugar.

Where then is the problem, you may wonder.

For a long while, I did too.

But now I know that despite my claims that I’m not addicted to coffee, I actually am and badly so.

Here’s why:

My entire day revolves around coffee.

Everything I do falls under one of the categories - ‘Before Coffee’ ‘With Coffee’ or ‘After Coffee’

 I perk up at the thought, sight or smell of coffee.

But unlike millennials, I don’t consume black coffee to jumpstart my day, stay alert or fight fatigue.

I drink it purely out of my love for the beverage.

All my adult life, coffee has been my comfort food, my dopamine fix, an elixir. I may be having a really bad day – both maid and cook decide to take French leave on the same day, power failure with clothes in the washer, spouse grumpy because his spare golf accessory is still in the wash - I can handle all this and more if I sit down with a cup of coffee - my worries, stress, aches and pains just melt away.

 Coffee has in fact been the one constant in my life. With my spouse in the armed forces, extended family was around only during vacations or occasional visits;  frequent moving meant friends also came and went; today my adult children too come and go. My spouse who technically has been most by my side is actually out most of the day either at work or at the golf course and the time he’s home preparing for his next game. But coffee? Coffee has always been there for me. It has never failed to comfort me, not once.

Coffee has been my pole star.

If you think I’m exaggerating, let me explain:

I associate places, homes with coffee.

For our social visits, I prefer going to homes where coffee is part of hospitality and am miffed at hosts who offer poor substitutes like green tea, juice or even worse – butter milk.

I look forward to family and friends dropping by because I get to have an additional coffee with them.

Coffee makes the most unpleasant things palatable for me. For decades, I dreaded going to my dentist even if I’m accompanying a friend - the smell of the place, of disinfectant, acrylic and clove oil would bring on imaginary aches. But of late I find myself going in without the usual anxiety because there is a coffee shop at the lobby and the aroma of coffee greets me as I enter the clinic.

Still not convinced I’m addicted?

 Here’s further proof:

Ensure coffee is stocked

A long while ago I visited my daughter in Singapore and on getting into the cab at the airport promptly asked her if there was coffee powder at home. (My idea was that if there wasn’t, we could pick it up on the way.)  She laughed out loud and said “Yes, mom, I made sure there is.” She later joked that I sounded desperate like a visiting alcoholic friend asking if there was liquor stocked.

Nowadays, when I visit my daughter or son, I carry my own coffee powder, just in case.

When we go abroad on vacation, I always pack a few Nestle 3 in 1’s although I know resorts now a days serve the fanciest coffees – why take a chance?

Throw Social Niceties to the wind

It is customary to leave a little coffee at the bottom of the cup, especially in polite company. But Not ME. When in formal company, I try to but most times end up finishing my coffee when I think no one is looking. Of course, when alone I tip the cup such that the last drop isn’t wasted.

 Hide consumption from family

Do I hide, oh yes, I do, especially from my husband who is self-discipline personified. I have my second / third cup of coffee around 4pm every day and by the time he comes back from work, my empty cup isn’t exactly hidden but is put away discreetly.

Unable to Stop Consumption:

Every night, I go to bed resolving that I will try not to have coffee from the next day. But I wake up the next morning thinking when I should have my first cup of coffee – immediately or after an hour.

So to get a handle on my coffee obsession, I tried a few popular hacks:

Go Cold Turkey

Hearing that’s the best way to stop a habit, I tried to totally stop having coffee. A root canal followed by a tooth implant was so traumatic that I stopped having coffee and successfully kept it away for about 6 months. But then one day, I decided to celebrate my success with ONE coffee at Ikea and it gradually went back to one coffee a day to two to my usual three.

Caffeine patch

In South India, when infants begin thumb sucking, mothers apply an ayurvedic potion called ‘moosambaram’ on their thumb that is so bitter that most infants immediately stop the practice. I decided I too needed a bitter potion - coffee without sugar to wean me off my coffee addiction. So I started having sugarless coffee but to my own surprise found that it did not reduce my love for coffee.  When I told my mother about it she nodded knowingly. On asking why she said  that when I was a child she tried ‘moosamabram’ on me to stop my  thumb sucking but was shocked to see that I was happily sucking my thumb that was smeared with the bitter potion. “So bitter coffee won’t be a deterrent for you”, she smiled.

Portion Control

Experts swear by this and thankfully it worked for me. It’s been years since I have switched from having my coffee in coffee mugs to smaller tea cups. Now I have it in these small, dainty looking tea cups that I got from Turkey. So, I have been practising portion control successfully.

Despite my reduced consumption, of late, my elixir has been giving me some trouble:

Coffee is making me dehydrated. After drinking a cup of coffee, I love the taste of it in my mouth so much that I avoid drinking water for a while for fear of washing down the taste. Doctors blame my inflammation, my dry eyes on dehydration and I in turn suspect it’s my coffee.

 On drinking coffee, I have started feeling sluggish – may be, it is the whole milk I use. Also, my stomach feels queasy after drinking coffee especially after my second cup. ( Is this my body telling me to give up coffee?)

And worst of all is the mind space that my coffee obsession is taking up.  

So, there it is -  I do have a coffee problem.

But when I share my worry with family and friends, they brush it off saying it’s nothing. One friend even called me a hypochondriac. Of course, I’m not imagining.

At my wit’s end, I turned to google for help - to see if there are support groups that will help me.

I learnt that there is a real big one - CAFAA (Caffeine Addicts Anonymous). Looked promising but I’m sure its members are serious addicts and will snigger at me and my problem. Thus this too proved to be a dead end.

So, out of sheer desperation I turn to you, my dear readers. Do you get me? Have you any suggestions/tips/ hacks. I am game for trying anything that will help.

In the meanwhile let me enjoy my coffee.